briogirl

Well, Easter cometh. I'll be here this weekend which is fine.

Well, starting today I decree that I shall change my sleeping hours. I have been going to bed between 1:30 and 3:30am for the past several days; that has to stop. In just a couple weeks I start classes, and I teach too. And I will presumably start rehearsals as well. Many of these classes will be dance classes. In fact, here is my schedule:

MWF: 9:30am-10:45 - Theatre in Paris in the 1800s (T775)
11:10-12:05 - Intermediate Tap Dance
12:30-2:15 - Movement for the Theatre III
2:30-4:15 - Shakespeare Acting (T521)

TTH: 8-9:15am - Stage Management (2nd 8 weeks only)
10:10-11am - Jazz Dance
11:15-12:05 - Ballroom Dance
12:30-2:15pm - Acting One (Teaching)
2:30-4:15pm - Acting One (Teaching)

This is a crazy schedule, especially since I am also taking singing lessons on Fridays at 4:30pm and teaching students on Saturdays between 12-4pm. Also, I will have rehearsals for whatever play I am in, and then I will be producing and acting in another play of my own doing later in the semester. And, lest we forget, the big oral reading exam.

And just today I increased my Netflix membership to 2 a month, no limit. This is in the hopes that I can get through 24 Season 3 by the end of August, and then finally start studying. If I left it at 2 a month, 4 total limit, I would only have had one more rental left for this month, which would have been disc 1. Then I would have watched discs 2, 3, 4 and 5 in September when I should be studying and memorizing and grading papers and doing other stuff, and then I would be seeing disc 6 in October when I should ESPECIALLY be doing all of that.

Ay me.

But now I am procrastinating. I must get back to my life today. I must go to the gym, buy remaining props, record sound for the show (btw, we're just going to use the fucking boombox), and find my set designer to see if we have an actual set today. Fun.

Current Mood: anxious

Yesterday was Christmas at Adam's, which was a lot of fun. They cooked a great dinner: tofurkey, mashed potatoes, corn, stuffing, and they made cranberry sauce from scratch because I told them I liked cranberry sauce! It was so good. I scored 4 CDs: NIN, Freddy Fender, Etta James, and Christmas in the Stars, a childhood CD that apparently my brother went through hell to find. Also, Adam and Laurie got me a subscription to Stage Directions. I didn't have the heart to tell them it's a technical magazine and of no use to me. Oh well. Also my dad got me a new light winter coat and a Target gift certificate. A very nice Christmas indeed. We played Karaoke Duets and I won against Laurie twice so HA ON HER! Guess she won't be talkin smack anymore to me.

Today I've been researching cars, and I finally have to accept that I don't want to go into debt to own a car, so I'm going to have to buy something I already have enough money for. I've narrowed it down to the following: 2001 Nissan Sentra, 2002 Honda Civic, 2004 or 2005 Mazda3. That's about it. So the search begins. I think I'll test drive all of these some time this week.

Current Mood: grumpy

Well, yesterday I had my first acupuncture experience. It was pretty cool. First Laurie practically rolfed my leg muscles, then she put the suction cups on me, around my knees. Then she put needles in--between my eyes, and in my ears, and all around my knees, and on my feet. It didn't hurt at ALL! I couldn't believe it.

Today Alize gave me a $50 gift certificate for amazon.com. Hooray! First order of business after Christmas: buy Sims 2!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo! I'm very excited. This is why I have to get ALL of my school stuff done before the semester starts. I may try, next week, to get off book for the role of Pearl. That way if I am cast as Pearl (fingers crossed!) I won't have to spend much more time on that. I will do all my character work on her next week as well. Of course, I am doing the same thing with this as I did for Catherine in Proof last year, so maybe I am jinxing it. Maybe I'll end up cast as set dressing in Pal Joey. I would be so excited! Cuz then I could produce Betrayal or Look Back in Anger!

I saw my friend Dan last night. I saw his improv. It wasn't good. There were a few isolated moments, but quite frankly, it just wasn't good. No real improv talent in the group. I really felt like I was doing my duty by watching it, rather than enjoying myself. I hate that.

Ok, so today I'm going to finish my headshots and resumes and send them out. That is my goal by end of day.

Current Mood: okay

Oh lord oh lord. I'm on my 40th Hershey's kiss (not exaggerating) and I need to get out of here. I'm sitting at my dad's computer. So far my vacation is great. Well, except that I haven't worked out at all so I'm coming back to school in January as a blimp. That is certain.

On Tuesday will be my first acupuncture experience, for my knees. I am nervous but it should be fun.

More importantly, tomorrow I see HIM. Neil. Neil Howard, actor-turned-singer. Two men in this world, I have unfinished business with. The man I should have fucked, and the man I should have married. Neil is category #1. Tomorrow night he plays at Hotel Utah and I alone will go to see him play. God help me.

Well, so far I have finished grading papers, submitted my students' final grades, seen Ocean's 12. A word on Ocean's 12. Ocean's 12 contains the sexiest, most sensual scene I have seen in a movie since Sliver. Yes it is true. I do not jest or exaggerate when I say that I actually got wet while watching this scene, and that I actually accidentally let out a low moan at a certain point. Oh my good god. I am buying this movie, simply to see the scene near the end where the Night Fox gets past the laser beams. Oh god above. I need no boyfriend. I need only that scene and a new vibrator. I've already told Alize. I plan to tell every woman I know. The man, the lasers, the positions, the music. All one. To. Be. Torture. Oh god yes. PLEASURE. pleasure.

Ok, I'll end the orgasm there.

Moving on. I am now headed to the post office to send Vicky these grades and recommendations, and then to do some Christmas shopping.

And this toothache sucks. More Anbesol for me, straightaway.

Current Mood: horny

I wish I didn't have feelings. I've made such a huge mistake. I've fallen for somebody who doesn't want me. Is this something I do on a regular basis or what? First Berto, now Cowboy. He doesn't want me. I like who I am. I like the way I live, what I do, my friends, my family. So I'm at a loss.

Here was Scott LeFeber's response to my email about him after the IRT auditions. I just adore this guy.

Thanks for the update.
Am happy to hear the show went well and that your performance is evolving -- always healthy -- and fun.
The IRT thing sounds like a nightmare. Just confirms all my fears. This idiot clapped after auditions? I thought that stopped after Jr. High. Then her comment to you was asinine.... does that mean that only unstable, unshre, ungrounded, frenetic actors can audition with Alma? That kind of "typing" is so boring to me and is ultimately a power play -- e.g. "I know how Alma should be played and it's this...." instead of commenting (or being able to comment) on your instrument. Finally... the fact that all her feedback was negative is very revealing -- by keeping it negative, it keeps her in control -- and also keeps her away from really having to work and talk about specifics. It's also revealing in that there's obviously not much joy involved with her. Must be lovely to work for.

Am glad you enjoyed the show -- if you get to work for them, use it as resume fodder and maybe a contact or two -- otherwise, set your sights on LaMama if you wish...

I am feeling better... but will not be fully recovered until I'm back east where I belong on the 18th.
Meantime, take care and have a lovely rest of the run.
My best,
Scott

Current Mood: amused

Saturday's show was great, the best show and the best audience we've had so far. Something released in me in Act III and it was very different, I felt myself (the character) fighting harder than ever. It was a blast.

So IRT. So we get there and Janet takes us into a little room where we helped her move a round table out of the way so we could have room to work. Rather than volunteer to go first, I decided to watch a few others so as to ascertain the acoustics in the room, where the light was, how it looked to be up there, what read well, etc. So I think I was 6th or 7th out of 10. Well, I went with Alma and it felt great. I didn't nail it, but there were several very real moments and I really enjoyed it. Anyway, Janet would clap after monologues she really liked, clap hard and loud. She only clapped after about 4, and mine was one of them. So I thought, ok, she liked it, that's good.

Well, then after we were done she RIPPED US ALL TO SHREDS!!!! I mean, it was great. First she prefaced it with, this is just my opinion, how I cast here, yadda yadda. Which is good. I mean, now we know what she looks for. What I didn't like, though, was that all her feedback was negative. She told us what not to do, but didn't say what she liked or would like to see, so that we have someplace to go. For me, she said I shouldn't do Alma, because I'm too grounded a person physically to do a character who is unsure of herself. I have to admit that I disagreed, largely because I think this is the one moment where this character does know what she wants and is saying. But I am willing to admit that I am wrong. What I do know, though, is that Janet would prefer to see me to something very physically sure. So I'll choose a different piece for her next time. As these playdates continue, I'll be able to narrow it down to please her.

As for the show, A Christmas Carol, I thought it was lovely. I laughed, I cried. It wasn't risky or daring, the stakes were not high, but hey, it's Christmas, it was beautiful, and it snowed on stage. What more can you ask for during the holidays?

IUB pays part of our worth when we do shows there, so I imagine I will work there soon enough. So I'll have another regional theatre credit to my name, so that's good. I'd rather be on LaMama's stage, but that day will come.....

Current Mood: apathetic

I cannot believe that I actually made it to Paris. What an adventure. I went by Eurostar, which is a comfortable train ride that takes you from London to Paris under water, through what some people will call “The Chunnel.” No. Don’t do that. Don’t call it that. It’s either a tunnel or a channel. Not both as one word. Please.

So anyway, comfortable train ride, a little motion sickness toward the end of it but what can you do. We arrived (my companion was Greg Brenchley, a lighting designer grad student) around 9:30pm Paris time. I had a backpack and a fashion tote bag. Of course, the language barrier thing started right off the bat. And French rudeness? Don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t exist anymore. I mean, you can’t really blame them. We Americans don’t bother to learn any other language besides English, and most Americans don’t even speak THAT well. Just a few classes in high school to fulfil a requirement and then move on. Anyway, the info guy at the booth gave us a subway map and then dismissed us, as if that should explain everything.

It didn’t. Paris has an intricate, although well-designed, train system. There is the Metro, which is the train equivalent to BART in SF, the eL in Chicago, the Tube in London. There are 13 lines and they go all over the huge city of Paris. But then there is also the RER, which is a train similar to the Rail in London or Amtrak in America, that also goes throughout the city and a little beyond. Unlike Amtrak and more like the Rail (London), it operates as another totally viable option for getting about the city, only much faster but with far fewer stops.

But did we know this? Not at that time, no. We were trying to figure out how to get a pass. They have a one-day, three-day, and seven day pass. We finally figured that out, got a three-day pass, then figured out that Line 4 was what we wanted. It would take us to Line 6, which would then take us to Corvisart, our stop in Place d’Italie, the neighborhood we were staying in.

The Metro: Filthy. Congested. On time. Efficient. No leg room. No carpet (thank god). I have to say, I liked it. It’s the best train system I have ever seen in this world. And lord knows I’m beginning to know more and more of this world.

The weather was warm, slightly cool I guess, but a perfect night to arrive in Paris. We went straight to our hotel room and went to bed, ready to rise and shine bright and early and head out.

THE FIRST FULL DAY: Saturday, May 29. We got up around 7am, had a continental breakfast of cheese and baguette, croissant and cream cheese, OJ, tea with milk, chocolate croissant, boiled egg. And yes, I ate all of it. It was wonderful.

First monument: THE EIFFEL TOWER. Oh god in heaven above. Amazing. Amazing. When you first see it, it is wonderful. A bronze/mahogany color I guess. Huge. Truly awesome.

We needed cash. Well, let me tell you, ATMs are not all over the place there. Not at all. It took us 30 minutes to find one. But the timing was perfect because at 9:30am we arrived at the South entrance to the tower, and it was just opening. We chose to walk the stairs. We only climbed 602 stairs really, to the second level. Awesome views. And no crowds really just yet. But to get to the third level, you have to take an elevator. As the elevator climbed I could see why—the stairs would allow you to slip through and commit a brilliant, spectacular suicide. So maybe not the best idea to let crazy tourists climb that part.

The top was spectacular, wonderful. We saw all of Paris from there.

Afterwards we went to the Louvre. The biggest museum I have ever been in in my life. Ridiculously huge. I’m not one for decorative arts, or design, so I prego/ciao-ed some galleries, spent a good amount of time on paintings and sculpture. But truly the Italian Renaissance gallery was amazing. I could have spent hours upon hours in that gallery alone. I saw many famous paintings, but the big one was at the end of the hall……………………..

THE MONA LISA.

This was awesome. The crowds around her were ridiculous, with people snapping photo after photo. I have to say, I had heard it was smaller than you would think. But since I had heard that, I expected it to be pretty darn small. It was actually of medium size.

Had I known more about her history and technique, it might have helped. As it was, my heart beat a little faster, my breath caught in my throat. Without the noisy throngs, I might have spent some time with her, gazed at her for a while, but the crowd was something I had to fight through in the first place, and then out of respect for the other people I needed to get out in a timely fashion. Then I stood behind the crowd and looked at her for a short while.

That being said, I was more deeply affected ARTISTICALLY by other paintings. However, I think we are all socially influenced to see this as one of the greatest paintings ever created, and that was what did it for me. I saw one of the most famous paintings ever rendered. And truly, truly, there is something in that. I imagine if everything had not been in French (in all of the museums), there would be more I could have appreciated, but alas, it was not to be. And so I moved on from the Mona Lisa.

And yes, her smile is bewildering, beguiling, entrancing, quizzically intriguing.

Afterwards we went for lunch at a bistro. I had a salad that consisted of greens, tuna, boiled egg, potatoes, and some sort of French dressing. It was very good. And cost 10 Euros. So, $12. Food there was ridiculously expensive. They must all earn 50 euros an hour or something.

Anyway, afterwards we went to Notre Dame. Really an awesome building. It is on the banks of the Seine (pronounced SEN) River, as many of the monuments are. The front of it is beautiful. The bell towers are there. I looked for the Hunchback but I guess he was hiding. From the side you can see the buttresses and the famous steeple, as well as the gargoyles. Inside it is beautiful with extremely high domes, although I have found Westminster Abbey here to be more impressive in the interior. Behind Notre Dame is a courtyard with a fountain (there are a LOT of fountains in Paris), where we sat for a bit.

Right behind Notre Dame there is Les Iles, or the two islands. They aren’t really islands, but the Seine had two canals and so creates two isolated pieces of land, very small. Very beautiful. We stopped and had “the best ice cream in Paris” at Berthillon. And yes, it was really really good.

We did some shopping on Rue di Rivola after that, then ate a wonderful dinner at a café restaurant. Ok, let’s talk about the cafes. There are a billion of them in Paris. More later.

After a dinner of salmon and rice and white wine and ice cream sundae, we walked to Pont Neuf and took a nighttime boat ride on the Seine. We got to see all the monuments at night, which was wonderful. And the weather was perfect.

DAY TWO: Monday, May 30. It started off with a drenching rain, which Greg and I got caught in just after seeing the Arc di Triomphe (Napoleon’s famous arch that he had built for his entrances into the city). As we were walking down the Champs Elysees the drenching began, and for the first time since leaving America I finally got to use my umbrella. The Champs Elysees is like Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles—expensive designer clothing, boutiques, shops. For the stupidly rich people in this world. That’s definitely not me.

We then went to the Musee d’Orsay, or the Orsay Museum, which has major sculptures, and Impressionist and Post-Impressionist paintings. I saw several paintings by Renoir, Manet, Monet, Seurat, etc. It was wonderful. I found some new artists I am interested in studying.

After that we ate mozzarella and tomato baguettes down the street for lunch. I had a wonderful chocolate torte, my first French pastry. It was divine. The chocolate here is a little richer and slightly more bitter. It’s really fantastic.

After that we walked around and explored a little. We went to Moulin Rouge and saw that, then went to Sacre Couer, and rode the carousel and walked the walk in that area where Amelie in the movie made her guy go in order to get his photo book back. It was so cool to be there! there were no birdseed arrows though, and the phones were gone. I think they just put them there for the movice. Then we ended up at the Musee Pompidou, or the Pompidou Museum. This is the famous museum of modern art. Oh, it was amazing. I saw so many by Picasso, Matisse. I saw The Marriage by Chagall, and some of his other work. There were Kandinskys and Jawlenskys. Lots of work from the Cubist period, which really was very interesting. I also saw Deuf’s “The Alter Ego” series, which I found intensely interesting. The others didn’t join me in the Pompidou, which was truly their loss.

We then went to dinner where the waiter was unbelievably rude. Truly in the stereotypical French fashion. “Hurry up and order, I have other people you know,” “Who ordered this dish? Are you asleep? Come on, wake up!”. Wow, was he ever rude. But the dinner was wonderful. I had salmon again. And a fabulous chocolate mousse for dessert.

Afterwards, hotel and bed.

DAY THREE: The last day. Monday, May 31. The bank holiday.

This was the day I wanted to spend alone. My number one goal in Paris, oddly enough, was to find one of those corner cafes, sip espresso, write in my journal, read a book, watch the people go by.

I started out by shopping at Zara. I found a wonderful off-white dress that was incredibly similar to the one Diane Lane wears in “Under the Tuscan Sun”. Exactly what I was looking for. I found shoes to go with, very strappy, and a pink striped half-sleeve button down shirt with a wonderful French collar that elongates the neck and clavical. Very stylish and sophisticated. At Etam I bought an adorable white shirt, very girlish, and a scarf. I now have three French scarves! Hooray!

Afterwards I walked all over Les Iles. Then I settled on my corner café and treated myself to a three-course meal, very pricey. I started out with a goat cheese on lettuce salad, followed by salmon (again) with rice and tomato. These were accompanied by 25 centiliters (2.5 glasses) of rouge (red wine), a baguette’s worth of bread. The dessert was café (coffee) ice cream with espresso beans thrown in, covered with that amazing chocolate sauce and a mountain of whipped cream, dusted with nutmeg. Then, while sipping a cappuccino, I drew sketches of passers-by and their fashions, and watched from a short distance some street performers earning some money on a bridge over the Seine River. Life was good for the three hours I took to have this meal and this coffee. Keep in mind, they won’t bring you your bill until you ask for it, even if you are there for five hours. And I didn’t ask for it for three hours. Ahhhh, Paris.

After that I walked down the Seine to look at the back of Notre Dame from a bridge on the Seine. Then I walked down to walk along the bank of the Seine. I had already explored the famous Left Bank, eaten on the Right Bank. I sat in front of Notre Dame and gazed at it, then opened up my guide for suggestions as to how to spend my last 2 hours in Paris. There were a few possibilities, but I decided to go with a walk along the Seine River, crossing each bridge as I came on it and gazing at the view from each one. I did that, and discovered many amazing monuments: Concorde, the Grand Palace, the Assembly Hall, the Opera House, the Louvre again, the Orsay again, City Hall, and finally, the Eiffel Tower again.

I was wearing one of my new scarves, which will really dress a girl up and romanticize her. Sure enough, I had a couple of admirers, one an older man who looked very French, much like the guy in Amelie, Bretodeau, who Amelie finds and returns the childhood box to. Come to think of it, maybe it WAS him! Ha ha. Anyway, he told me he had lived in Belvedere in SF for a while, and tried to chat. He was friendly, but could tell I was wary of him, so off he went.

It was towards the end of my journey that Joel Ahmi found me. French-born, he spoke very little English but insisted that I had caught his eye because I was “au natural” with a friendly “visage”. He walked with me without invitation and I couldn’t get rid of him to save my life, although I didn’t find his company unpleasant. I didn’t know how to communicate that he was not the man of my dreams, but he seemed to think I might be the woman of his. When I pointed out that we lived on two different continents, he insisted that that didn’t matter, that he had friends who had met that way and were now married and had babies. For chrissake, dude, calm down. I’m not gonna marry you nor bear your children.

Although he was pleasant, he actually put a damper on my final moments in Paris, since I was trying to take in the people and the sights and the river. But then again, he was also part of my Parisian experience. Trying to communicate with a French guy was an experience. So all in all, a fine ending and a wonderful, amazing trip.

My French vocabulary that I used:

Bonjour – hello
Ou est le toilette – where is the bathroom (oo ay lah twahlett)
Je nest comprende pa – I don’t understand (pronounced jheh neh compo pah)
Bon soir – good evening, good night (bohn swah)
Combien – how much does it cost? (kohm byah)
En pu – a little (ahn poo)
Parlez vous angle – do you speak English (parlay voo ahn glay)
Come t’allez vous – how are you (comeh tallee voo)
Tres bien – very good (tray bee ah)


That’s about it for me I think!

I love Paris! And now I have been there….truly a place for honeymooners and travellers, a must-see.

Florence and Venice are still top in my heart, though. Sorry, it needed to be said.

Current Mood: enthralled

So I just got back from Notting Hill market and I took quite a few pictures. I cannot believe how different it is from the movie. The movie made it so famous that it is several blocks long. I am exhausted just from the walking. I bought amazing fresh bread, souvenir t-shirts for my dad and Adam, and a London shotglass for myself. I have to re-start my collection of shotglasses from around the world. I’d like to know who the hell took all my shotglasses from before, but oh well. Starting over can be fun. Anyway, the market sold clothes, food of all kinds, jewelry, antiques, pottery, luggage…you name it. I didn’t get to see Hugh Grant’s flat with the blue door though. Darn. J

I won’t be seeing theatre tonight. I have to watch my cash. My plan for next week’s shows are: History Boys; Oleanna; Henry IV (Pirandello). That’s it because Thursday and Friday are the days we will be staying in Bath. Then Friday we come back and Greg Brenchley and I are jetting off to Paris for the three-day weekend. Hooray!

It is sunny still here, which is unusual, but unlike all last week, it is actually a bit chilly, at least to me. 62 degrees is cold.

I am still having a blast but having to slow down the spending considerably. My roommate Cici is gone and I’m glad. I think we are getting on each other’s nerves. I’m sure she hates my silence and I can’t stand her chattering away. I’m amazed by how everyone has to be THE most knowledgeable and the one who knows everything. This is a motley crew in this class—and a stupid one. Outside of six of us, the class is made up of lazy idiots. The other seven are just fat stupid slobs. But that’s just me.

I think I’ll spend the rest of today in a café, sipping coffee and dessert, reading Nanny diaries, and my Paris tourbook, and working on my next assignment. In other words…..relax. This place is way too cool to stay inside the dorm, even if it is a great dorm.

Current Mood: confused

So yesterday I went to see The Shape of Things. It was the worst production I’ve seen in the West End. The scenic design was innovative, the lighting seemed interesting, and the lead male was good. That was it. The supporting female was ok but had some bad moments. In general it seemed the faults lay in two places: the director was awful, and Alicia Witt, the female lead, was horrendously bad. It cost me $36 to see this piece of trash. I was pissed. Now I have to miss one other show because of the cost of this one.
Synopsis:
The Shape of Things opens with a chance meeting in a museum between Evelyn - a sexy, aggressive young artist - and Adam - a shy, insecure student. Before long they become nvolved in an intense affair which spirals into the kind of dangerous, seductive territory that LaBute does best: a modern day romance with a twist.
"Diabolically clever" - What's On
"Sharp, funny writing" - The Times
Programme notes: Starring Alicia Witt, Enzo Cilenti, Sienna Guillory and James Murray.
Anyway, I also went to the Saatchi Gallery yesterday and it was amazing. I really am beginning to appreciate modern art, although as usual the paintings got to me the most. But I appreciated all of the mixed media pieces too. I love Paula Rego and Emin is good as well. There was a lot I appreciated. I would like to go back but the price at 7 pounds is too much. It’s pretty much a $13 admission fee and I have to watch my spending. I’ve gone crazy this first week and I need to slow down. A lot.
In fact, I’m very worried about money now. I will truly have to get a temp job in August in order to have some money in my pocket, and I will have to get a loan next year as well. But hopefully no loans in my third year. We’ll see.

Current Mood: worried

Well life has certainly proved interesting. Today we went to Stratford-upon-Avon and I have to say we really prego-ciaoed it. We got started out late on the comfortable bus ride and then the tour guide ran us all around Stratford and through the houses very quickly. I actually don’t think I could tell you which of the pictures I took belong to which house. And I’ve been there before, for chrissake. But it was cool. Not as much fun as last time, but I guess the newness of it had worn off. But it was still amazing to be at Shakespeare’s grave in the church. Eerie, exciting, touching. Really something.

Anyway, Nicole and I ate at The Beefeater, which is where Karen and I ate last time we were there. I’m still a little chapped that we didn’t get to see any of the productions there. Ridiculous really. We’re a theatre group, not a tourist group. But ce la vie. Or however you spell that.

Then the bus took us to Mary Arden’s house a little further out. We got a couple of cool demonstrations of the falcons and what they can do. That was fun. Also, I got a picture of one of the 16 snow owls they used in the Harry Potter movies. Very cool.

Last night we went to see “Sing Yer Heart out for your Lads.” It was truly an amazing play. And we were sitting right behind the playwright! This play was about racism on so many levels. And the guy who played Mark was amazing, and a real hottie too. Good to look at. It was a solid, fantastic performance and I’m glad I saw it.

I will say I am getting exhausted from all the walking and all the running around. I am definitely doing a grad program. I’ve had two assignments this week that I barely fit in. But they will be done by tonight. Then I must start on the next one for next week.

The Victoria and Albert museum yesterday with Nicole was fun, with truly amazing stuff and some interactive stuff as well. But, the costume gallery was closed! I was really disappointed and now I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to design my costumes for “The Beaux Stratagem.” After all, I’m not a costume designer! But I’m sure all will be well.

Current Mood: optimistic

Well, I have to say I am appalled at the lack of commitment on the part of my fellow students. Granted, I waited a little while before starting my assignment, but I am amazed by how the other students don't take the assignments seriously and treat them like little things. My suspicions that it is easy to get into this program are being gradually confirmed. What is my worth? Is it also so low? There are a few of us who are truly intelligent and committed, but we are in the frightening minority...

Current Mood: bitchy

Today was my last session with DeeDee, my psychiatrist I have been talking to about Jack. It really was a closure type of meeting. She said she enjoyed me as a patient because of my humor and how I make her laugh. I really liked her so much.

She asked me what I was taking away from our time together, and I said this: I had learned the behavior of letting myself feel whatever I was going through, rather than pushing it back. Letting myself experience whatever pain or happiness I go through. I think this is so important for me. This will serve me well in the future.

I don't know what the future with Jack and I will hold, but I will continue to work through it. DeeDee feels that I am intuitive and very well-equipped to handle well, whatever comes of my relationship with him. Yes, I still love him, but what will happen? I don't know.

Gotta go to a meeting with Dale and let him know about the big knee surgery.